Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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