It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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