the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
