I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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