Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize