Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
