Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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