i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
