I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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