Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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