I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
