White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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