the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
