Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
