we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
