Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a search helicopter?!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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