do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
