i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
