I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
two words...techno handjob
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
