note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
