I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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