I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
