dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Houston, we have a blender
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
