So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sext me about skeletons
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
