OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
