don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize