Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
They have beer where we have blood.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
