this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
