You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
