I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
