I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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