Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is the high leading the old right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
