Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
