love makes seman taste better
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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