your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
