Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
