Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
