I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
