i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
