I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
