why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
