The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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