i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
