Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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