All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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