you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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