btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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