woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We left the knife in your bed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
