I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
