herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
