when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
