She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
