Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
