Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
