Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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