Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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