did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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