i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
