Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
