The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
