My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
