Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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