well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
