This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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