I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize