You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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